In Memory of Tom Shipley 1924 - 2007

I want to take the opportunity to share some thoughts about a dear friend who past away a few weeks back. I should start by saying that the Hunter and the Shipley families have been close friends and partners in various activities since my father met Tom Shipley and his wife Liz while they were all in graduate school pursuing their PhDs in Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania in the early 1950's.

For my entire life the Shipleys have been a constant. From the many Sunday dinners we shared together around the Shipley's dinning room table, diving into huge bowls of what were to me new and wonderful foods such as Bouillabaisse, and paella. To Summer vacations in New Hampshire and Maine, many of my favorite memories of childhood feature the Shipley family. They are favorite memories because of the Shipleys.

It was not until I got older that I really began to appreciate Tom. In my twenties I began to see his genuine compassion for those around him and the strength of his empathy for the struggles and sorrow of others. I also started to understand that he was unique and powerful intellectual. In fact on a number of occasions I've had conversations with both Tom and Liz that impacted me for years after. I think the reason for this is that they showed me new ways of thinking about and understanding both the world and the mind.

In my thirties I gained an understanding of Tom as an ethical thinker, in his politics: a socialist of many years, and a pacifists; and also in his psychological research. For example, Tom was one of the first people to seriously study skid row and the people who lived there. He contributed to an understanding of the demographics of those living on the streets as well as to the problems they face and the services they need and the role addiction often plays in their lives. The last paper that he worked on concerned violence, specifically how the psyche reacts to killing, for example how soldiers respond emotionally to killing the enemy in war time. His research was clinical but what he chose to study and the way he would describe it always seemed to have great moral and ethical gravity. For this reasons I came to see Tom as an important ethical thinker even though his work was not directly related to the field of ethics.

As I mentioned above, a conversation with Tom would give me things to think about for months afterwards. So for years I've been in the habit of storing up questions and things to talk about with he and Liz between our seasonal visits. Last month was no exception. Addison and I flew back to the east coast for the wedding of Dan Shipley, Tom and Liz's youngest son. I was excited to see Tom again and ask about how his research was going. When Addison and I arrived the day before the wedding, we learned that Tom had died several days earlier.

This was a huge struggle for the Shipleys, and it was brave of Dan and Leslie to go ahead with their wedding so soon after Tom's death. For me the event made me realize how I took Tom for granted. He had always been there for my entire life and I never put much thought into there being a time after Tom. So I was mourning his loss and also feeling ashamed for not really keeping in touch between visits, and also because I never really let Tom know how much I learned from and appreciated him.

Another element of Tom's passing for me is that he was one of my father's best friends, and only two years older than my father. Its difficult to not think about my father's mortality, the fact that I live thousands of miles away from my parents, and that because of my profession that won't be changing any time soon. That's a grim thought I know but one I need to do something about.

Finally, in thinking about Tom I am reminded of Maya Angleo's remarks at the funeral of Coretta Scott King. She expressed the idea that those gathered that day needed to go forth in action to make the tribute paid to Coretta's legacy meaningful. I feel similarly about Tom. We live in a time that is marked by the noticeable lack of intellectual and ethical leadership. Tom provided both for me and his passing brings that into focus. There is no doubt that its time to step up. I'll miss Tom for a long time, but I 'll be damed if I don't try to take action in the spirit of his example.